On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
