One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
