but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
