K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
