I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
