Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
