there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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