This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
