be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
