Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
