Your mouth is God's brothel.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
