Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
