some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
