Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
