I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
why is half of my head shaved?
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