You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
