A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
