after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
