Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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