I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
