grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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