is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
