You can't motorboat a personality
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
