Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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