It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am spending my child support on dildos
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
