I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
