So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
