I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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