Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
