I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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