Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
