i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
