Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
