I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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