Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
