my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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