She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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