I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's get the cat blown out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
