right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
