I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
