He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
