i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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