Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
