I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
