The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
