Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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