Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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