Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
