My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
