The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
