But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
