Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
